If they spit in your back, know that you are ahead! If they spit in your back, it means you're ahead

Ecology of life. Psychology: We were raised in the family, at school, in society. And they were “raised” in such a way that a person is enslaved by himself, in his own head.

To begin, I will ask you to say the following phrase: “I am an egoist. I boldly and joyfully take from life everything I need to develop and achieve my goals.”

Now look inside yourself and feel what sensations you get from this phrase.

Protest? Fear? And, for sure, many other negative feelings... the same thing happens to most people... unfortunately.

Ideally, this phrase should cause a surge of drive, joy and strength in you. But the fact is that from childhood, almost all of us were raised in a certain way, according to the foundations of society, we were limited and many things were prohibited.

We were raised in the family, at school, in society. And they were “raised” in such a way that a person is enslaved by himself, in his own head. It is very beneficial for the system when a person is deprived of his Self, or better yet, generally high goals and the will to achieve them. We were raised in such a way that we control ourselves and set our own limits. Surely you often ask yourself: am I doing good/right? What will people say? Will I hurt anyone? And ask yourself other similar questions.

This is how we have to adapt to life, look for our quiet corner, and prove our personal worth to the whole world from a young age.

But man was born into the world to rule over it, to take from life everything that it has to offer. Man is born to live for himself and put his interests first. As the Bible says: save yourself and many around you will be saved.

And now an important clarification. Here we are talking about healthy egoism, but there is also sick egoism.

But healthy selfishness is as follows:

• a person knows the laws of the Universe and knows how to take everything he needs without disturbing the balance in the human-world connection. Note, TAKE, not snatch. Do you feel the difference?
• a person loves and respects himself. In the first case, he is rather trying to prove to himself and the world his great importance and he is driven by weakness. And a healthy egoist is filled with high dignity, which comes from self-confidence, one’s strengths and calmness. At this level, an understanding comes that there is no point in fighting with the world, you can cooperate with it for mutual benefit.
• life becomes more conscious. A healthy egoist knows what he is doing, why he is doing it and what he wants to get as a result. He goes towards his goal and does not listen to anyone, does not look back.

If they spit in your back, know that you are ahead

There is an anecdote that very clearly reflects the principles by which healthy and sick egoists live:

Large white birds were about to fly away to warmer climes. And then a small gray bird flies past them.

“Fly with us to warm lands,” said the big white birds.

Ah-ah-ah, We will fly over the ocean, you have strong wings, you can fly over the ocean, but I can’t!

No, little bird, we will take you on our back and you will not die!

Ah-ah-ah, said the little bird, we will fly high, you are big birds, your plumage is warm, but mine is not warm, I will freeze!

You won’t freeze, little bird, we will hide you in our warm plumage!

Ah-ah-ah, said the little bird, you are big strong birds, you will be able to get your own food, but I won’t be able to and will die!

We will feed you, little bird!

Ahhh...

“Fuck you, little gray bird!” said the big white birds and flew away.

The little gray bird is small because it lives in a small world, with small goals, having achieved which it considers its life to be immensely successful, gets stuck at the level of the desired comfort and thus lives out its days. The little gray bird is always afraid of everything and worries about everything. There is too much fuss in her life.

With great white birds the situation is exactly the opposite. They know how wide the world is and what its resources are and so on. They operate on the principle:

Take what you love, otherwise you will have to love what you gave (Bernard Shaw).

So, be selfish! Know your worth and love yourself! If you have goals, boldly go towards them and take from life everything you need to achieve them (subject to the presence of awareness in life). Don’t let it bother you that there will always be people who want to return you to the system, to reduce you to a gray mass. Don’t pay attention to them, in any case, such people are always dissatisfied with something, be it you, with your desires, or something else.

AND ONLY THIS WAY YOU CAN LIVE YOUR HAPPY LIFE, and not the life of your parents, loved ones and complete strangers who are trying to impose something on you or reproach you for something.

How to do it? How to become selfish and go beyond the boundaries imposed by the system?

First, realize how deep you are in the state of “quieter than water, lower than the grass.” It’s better to turn to a Mentor (psychologist, coach, guru, etc.) for this. He will help you realize all the limitations that you have placed on yourself, get out of the victim state, accept and love yourself.

Next, we turn on awareness: we learn (with surprise) our true desires, designate our territory (to which no one has the right to access), set goals and turn on the “big white bird” mode.

We learn, while living consciously, to always ask ourselves the following questions:

Do I like (fill in as necessary) or not?

Why do I need to (fill in as necessary)?

Do I really need this?

What will I get from this? What are my benefits?

Get used to asking yourself and giving yourself healthy answers. Then self-criticism will disappear by itself and a feeling of satisfaction and calm will appear (because you listened to the vibrations of the inner world and followed the true Self... it’s so nice!)

Learn to see your benefits.... always.... yes, yes, always!

If they still don’t exist, then ask yourself why am I doing this? HOW LONG will I continue to act to my detriment? Remember that if there are no personal benefits, then a person stops developing because the balance of interaction with the world is disrupted.

BE SURE to set a time frame, this way you will define the conscious boundaries of your altruism and avoid falling into the state of a victim, the feeling that they have sat on your neck, as well as many illnesses and stress.

Well, don’t be shy to admit with pleasure and joy that selfishness is wonderful! published

Topic from Nik56B***n@m***.ru

Today I offer you a few drops of wisdom.

Any applicant for computer knowledge will find these words close and understandable.

Confucius (real name Kong Qiu) was an ordinary person, but his teaching is often called a religion. Although issues of theology and theology as such are not important for Confucianism at all. All teaching is based on morality, ethics and life principles of human interaction with man.

He was one of the first to propose the idea of ​​​​building a highly moral and harmonious society.

And the golden rule of his ethics sounded like this:

“Do not do to others what you do not wish for yourself.”

His teaching found such a wide response among people that it was accepted as an ideological norm at the state level, and it remained popular for almost 20 centuries.

His lessons are easy for everyone to understand, which is probably why they inspire so effectively:

Three paths lead to knowledge: the path of reflection is the noblest path, the path of imitation is the easiest path and the path of experience is the most bitter path.

If you hate, it means you have been defeated.

In a country where there is order, be bold in both actions and speeches. In a country where there is no order, be bold in your actions, but careful in your speech.

Before you take revenge, dig two graves.

Give instructions only to those who seek knowledge after discovering their ignorance.

Happiness is when you are understood, great happiness is when you are loved, real happiness is when you love.

In fact, life is simple, but we persistently complicate it.

Intemperance in small things will ruin a great cause.

Only when the cold weather arrives does it become clear that pines and cypresses are the last to lose their decoration.

People in ancient times did not like to talk much. They considered it a shame for themselves not to keep up with their own words.

We take advice in drops, but we give it out in buckets.

A gemstone cannot be polished without friction. Likewise, a person cannot become successful without enough hard attempts.

A noble man makes demands on himself, a low man makes demands on others.

You can only overcome bad habits today, not tomorrow.

Three things never come back - time, word, opportunity. Therefore: do not waste time, choose your words, do not miss the opportunity.

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a single day in your life.

I don't get upset if people don't understand me, I get upset if I don't understand people.

Try to be at least a little kinder, and you will see that you will not be able to commit a bad act.

In ancient times, people studied in order to improve themselves. Nowadays people study in order to surprise others.

You can curse the darkness all your life, or you can light a small candle.

Misfortune came - man gave birth to him, happiness came - man raised him.

There is beauty in everything, but not everyone can see it.

A noble person is serene at heart. A low person is always preoccupied.

If they spit in your back, it means you are ahead.

He is not great who has never fallen, but he is great who has fallen and gotten up.

Good luck, dears!

Nikolai is with you, trying to move forward.

Confucius (real name - Kun Qiu or Kun Zi) was an ordinary person, but his teaching is often called a religion. Although issues of theology and theology as such are not important for Confucianism at all. All teaching is based on morality, ethics and life principles of human interaction with man.

He was one of the first to propose the idea of ​​​​building a highly moral and harmonious society. And the golden rule of his ethics was: “Do not do to others what you do not wish for yourself.” His teaching found such a wide response among people that it was accepted as an ideological norm at the state level, and it remained popular for almost 20 centuries.

His lessons are easy for everyone to understand, which is probably why they inspire so effectively:

Three paths lead to knowledge: the path of reflection is the noblest path, the path of imitation is the easiest path and the path of experience is the most bitter path.

If you hate, it means you have been defeated.

In a country where there is order, be bold in both actions and speeches. In a country where there is no order, be bold in your actions, but careful in your speech.

Before you take revenge, dig two graves.

Give instructions only to those who seek knowledge after discovering their ignorance.

Happiness is when you are understood, great happiness is when you are loved, real happiness is when you love.

In fact, life is simple, but we persistently complicate it.

Intemperance in small things will ruin a great cause.

Only when the cold weather arrives does it become clear that pines and cypresses are the last to lose their decoration.

People in ancient times did not like to talk much. They considered it a shame for themselves not to keep up with their own words.

We take advice in drops, but we give it out in buckets.

A gemstone cannot be polished without friction. Likewise, a person cannot become successful without enough hard attempts.

A noble man makes demands on himself, a low man makes demands on others.

You can only overcome bad habits today, not tomorrow.

Three things never come back - time, word, opportunity. Therefore: do not waste time, choose your words, do not miss the opportunity.

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a single day in your life.

I don't get upset if people don't understand me, I get upset if I don't understand people.

Try to be at least a little kinder, and you will see that you will not be able to commit a bad act.

In ancient times, people studied in order to improve themselves. Nowadays people study in order to surprise others.

You can curse the darkness all your life, or you can light a small candle.

Misfortune came - man gave birth to him, happiness came - man raised him.

There is beauty in everything, but not everyone can see it.

A noble person is serene at heart. A low person is always preoccupied.

If they spit in your back, it means you are ahead.

He is not great who has never fallen, but he is great who has fallen and gotten up.

Men's Club of the South Portal - based on materials from the Network

At a psychotherapeutic appointment:

Vasily, 45 years old: - The feeling that everything that I could have in life has already happened... but something is so missing that it’s just melancholy... Only the cognac doesn’t last long.

Marina, 25 years old: - My mother constantly tells me: “When I was your age, I already had a family, children, a job, but you can’t achieve anything.”

Lena, 5 years old: - I am so bad, every time they tell me: “You are so smart, so good,” some little person inside me screams - “This is not true. I am different!".

Ivan, 30 years old: - And you know, the worst thing is that she doesn’t believe in me. When I don't see confidence in my wife's eyes, I lose my own faith. And I don’t want anything anymore.

Do you know what request clients most often come to appointments with now? With one type of depression. The most common modern type of depression is a lack of meaning in life.

Many people, having reached the boundaries of external space, having mastered the social layer, realizing financial dreams, run into the edge. Within the boundaries of your world. And there is no further progress. You can only go inside, deep into yourself. And there is uncharted territory, and it’s scary there. And the tasks in it are invisible. And there are no conductors. And the usual way of thinking no longer helps. In this condition, we are looking for specialist guides. And every specialist, every guide, can only lead you to where you yourself have been. In the very word “psychology” - you can go to the “logos” and explore the rational part, or you can go to the “psyche” - the Soul, and reflect, and explore your deep, subconscious territory. Of course, it is ideal when such research and awareness goes in parallel. Then a person can integrate his Ratio and Intuition, his Yin and Yang. And come to harmony. But such research requires courage. And you need a lot of Faith...

For several years now there has been a forum where I, unfortunately, do not do it very regularly, but I still answer questions. One of the last questions was from the little man’s mother: “ How can you not be afraid to make mistakes?" This is such an important topic - mistakes.

From early childhood, we have absorbed the fear of mistakes. And now for us every mistake is an irreparable step. Do you know one of the reasons why many children and adults get addicted to TV and computers? When we are motionless, when all activity and responsibility is on an external object, we do not make mistakes, we are safe. And the need for security (as well as the need for knowledge and the need for love) are basic human needs.

If we pick at ourselves for some mistakes, if we are sad about what happened once (i.e. we are in the past), we take energy from the present and de-energize our future. If we perceive them as experience, then they become the foundation of our success. They become the platform of our PRESENT. Ours now. Listen to the word NOW. Is it really similar to the word HAPPINESS? These words have a lot in common. If we worry about the future, we are also not in the present moment and we also take away the opportunity of Now-HAPPINESS. On the forum I wrote: “Please make mistakes with joy, smile at your mistakes, they must exist. While we are alive, there is nothing that cannot be corrected or transformed. When we are afraid of making a mistake, we are actually afraid not of the action itself, but of the evaluation of that action." By the way, When we raise our children, we separate the assessment of the action and the assessment of the child himself. We can say: “My beloved boy just did something wrong,” and not “You, the scoundrel, ruined everything again.”

Confidence- this is what “Vera has”

confidence- that which is “before Vera”

What is an assessment? This is a test of our confidence, a test of our FAITH in ourselves.

So what do we believe in anyway? What do we believe about ourselves? What we believe in becomes reality for us...

Every time someone in our earliest childhood told us something about us, for example, “a good girl, a smart boy, what a responsible little person” or “what a mess, how sloppy, how stupid,” we believed it, absorbed it these words were like a program, they hung on us like labels. Each external assessment causes two possible reactions in us - either we accept it and try with all our might to justify it, or we resist it. A huge amount of mental energy is spent on all this. We try our best to be good so as not to lose love (and love, as you know, is a basic human need). Or we become disappointed in ourselves and in the world, and we no longer care. Remember, you probably had examples at school - capable boys who were disappointed that they would be able to study (to feed the label “smart”) went into complete sloppiness. Until the age of 30-40, we accumulate so many labels, so many expectations from us that we stop feeling like we are real, we stop feeling: what do I really want? Once upon a time I decided to make a list of my wishes. One of the psychological practices is to write 101 things-desires without which you cannot die. It turned out to be a very difficult task. I collected 50 wishes. When I thought: are all the wishes “mine”? Do I really need all of these 50 points?.. My internal answer was shocking - in these 50 points there was not a single one that reflected my own needs, the desires of my soul. There were the expectations-desires of the parents, there were the expectations-dreams of the husband, son, friends... There was the feeding of labels - responsible, kind, smart, caring, etc.

But our most important question: what do I want? What is needed to develop my essence?

I don't really believe in personal growth training. There are a lot of them now on the “psychological market”. Why don't I believe it? We have two powerful structures - Essence and Personality. Personality is the part of us that bears our name, the part that has learned to adapt, it is what is filled with the expectations of other people, what bears all the labels that were mentioned earlier. It's part of, typically, our age. This is our primary identification. She learns to put masks on herself and imposes masks on others. If personal growth is the growth of this particular individual, then this leads to even greater manipulation. Manipulation of us and our own manipulation of others. It's good if we realize this. The essence is our core, it is what we have, whether we believe in it or not, from that very psyche-soul. We yearn for this part of us, it breaks out of us. If personal growth training is aimed at a sense of essence, then we connect with our “I” and enter our own new orbit. If it is aimed at personal development, we become more adapted among similar individuals and continue to walk in circles. And we continue to be afraid of mistakes. The entity is not afraid - it knows and believes.

All people in the world are divided into two large types - dreamers and winners. Dreamers are in a passive state. They just want to have something. And winners are ready to take action: they do something, they are ready to try, they are ready to make mistakes and move forward. All our successes follow the scheme: BE - DO - HAVE. If I want to have something, I start doing something, and in order to do something, I rely on some of my qualities. Own. On qualities that I believe in and that will help me accept possible mistakes as experience. I often ask myself: Who am I now - a dreamer or a winner? Am I now going outside the circle or walking in a circle? We talk about this with many clients at receptions.

Once upon a time, when I decided to go into my own private practice, in a completely my own direction, I was terribly afraid of responsibility, criticism, terribly afraid of evaluation. Do you know what saved me? A completely simple phrase: IF THEY SPIT IN YOUR BACK, IT MEANS YOU ARE AHEAD. Isn't that great?!!! Please make mistakes and move forward. Whenever we learn to walk, we fall and destroy everything in our path. But we learned! Before we meet That MAN, oh how wrong we are. But without these mistakes we cannot appreciate Him, right?

HURRAY FOR MISTAKES!!!

My second book was recently published. It was written for the children of this strange, amazing generation. Children who don’t even read books. A lot of books have been written for adults about psychology, the soul, and internal processes; unfortunately, none for children. I really wanted this book to be a bridge between the world of adults and children. It is unusual and goes beyond the circle, beyond the boundaries. I insisted on a hardcover edition, I insisted on the color scheme of the book. The first readers turned out to be tough logicians and critics, they said: “Do you really think that someone needs this, that someone will read this? It's boring and useless. I just spent the money”... At that moment, when I was ready to get completely upset, a friend read me a parable: “A man was walking along the shore and suddenly he saw a boy who was picking up something from the sand and throwing it into the sea. The man came up and saw that the boy was picking up starfish from the sand. There were so many of them that the shore was littered for what seemed like thousands of kilometers.

Well, why are you doing this? Why are you throwing these stars into the water?

If they remain on the beach until tomorrow morning when the tide goes out, they will die.

But this is stupid, look - there are millions of starfish here. You won't make it anyway. Your attempts will not change anything!

The boy picked up the star, thought for a second, threw it into the sea and said: “No, they will change a lot... for this star.”

And the first “children’s” review of the book has already covered all doubts. This book, everything connected with it, taught me a lot. - If at least one person, one “star”, smiles from communicating with us, looks at the world more clearly, becomes a little richer, more confident - our soul, our essence will be grateful to us, individuals.

And to those who spit in our backs, we can say: “thank you,” which means “God bless.”